I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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