After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
