im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
