So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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