FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish i was in the wii world.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
