Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
