there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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