when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
