I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
