Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
