You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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