Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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