Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize