Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
