all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
