Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
