and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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