Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
