Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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