he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
