"it" just moved
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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