Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
