I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
