You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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