So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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