Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
