That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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