Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
