Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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