ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
