oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
