Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
