My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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