I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
