I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
vagina is talking i cant
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
