JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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