Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
