i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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