There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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