Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
