I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
