My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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