i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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