What a fucking waste of an outfit
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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