sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
