It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
