Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
