She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
