just come out here and I will go home with you...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
