My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Drunk is not a location!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
