I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Everclear isn't food dammit
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
