please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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