I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
