HIV tests are more positive than that guy
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
