somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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