If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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