I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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