guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
