Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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