All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
