The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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