i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
