do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
