my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize