I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
