He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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