It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
