I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
