I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize