Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Found your dick twin last night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
