proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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