she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
