Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
