he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
