If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
