Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
