I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize