does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
