I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it because I queefed?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
