i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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