and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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