I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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