It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
